Sitting in the In-Between

Come sit with me for a moment.

Not as someone trying to get it all right. Not as someone trying to be “further along.” Just as you are… right now.

Because I know what it feels like to say yes to Jesus… and still feel the quiet pull of your old life trying to speak louder than your new one.

It can look so ordinary.

You’re in your kitchen as a mom, your child is crying, you’re exhausted, and you feel that familiar wave of frustration rise up, the same reaction you used to give into without thinking. And now you pause… you breathe… and you try to respond differently. But inside, it feels like a battle.

Or maybe it looks like you’re alone at night, scrolling your phone, and you see the kind of content, messages, or invitations that used to be part of your lifestyle, the parties, the validation, the escape, the feeling of being seen. And something in you remembers it. Not because it was life-giving… but because it was familiar.

Or maybe it’s quieter than that.

Maybe it’s just you sitting in your car after work, feeling the weight of the day, wanting to numb out, wanting to go back to what used to make you feel something… even if it wasn’t good for you.

And now you’re here… loving God… wanting to follow Him… but also feeling that internal pull between who you were and who you’re becoming.

Like standing in a doorway with one hand holding onto God… and the other still remembering what used to feel like home.

And what makes this even more tender is that no one talks about this part.

The in-between.
The becoming.
The letting go that doesn’t happen all at once.

Jesus says in Luke 9:23, “Whoever wants to follow me must deny themselves, take up their cross daily, and follow me.”

But daily doesn’t always feel spiritual in the moment, it feels practical. Emotional. Physical. Real.

It looks like choosing patience when your nervous system is overwhelmed.
It looks like choosing discipline when your body is craving escape.
It looks like choosing stillness when everything in you wants distraction.

And sometimes, it even feels like grief.

Because even when your old life wasn’t aligned with what God has for you… it still felt familiar. It still felt accessible. It still felt like something you knew how to do.

And this isn’t new.

Scripture is full of people who loved God… and still wrestled with themselves.

Peter walked with Jesus and still denied Him in fear (Luke 22:61–62). Elijah called down fire from heaven and still collapsed under exhaustion and wanted to give up (1 Kings 19:3–4). Moses was chosen by God and still felt too insecure to speak (Exodus 4:10). Paul himself said, “I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do, this I keep on doing” (Romans 7:19).

Even the people closest to God had moments where their old nature and new calling collided. And yet… God stayed with them in the process. That’s the part that changes everything. Because God doesn’t just call you out of something, He walks you through it.

Like Jacob, who wrestled all night and walked away changed but marked (Genesis 32:24–28). Like Saul, who became Paul, not instantly perfect, but transformed over time (Acts 9). And the same is true for you. There is something holy happening in your life right now, even if it feels uncomfortable.

God is not rejecting you in your struggle. He is refining you in it. And there is nothing more humbling than realizing that God doesn’t just save us once… He teaches us daily. Shapes us daily. Walks us through layers of us we didn’t even know needed healing.

Especially when you are new in Him, He begins to gently mold you, layer by layer, until the old ways start to loosen their grip. And that refining process is not easy. It stretches you. It confronts you. It changes you from the inside out. Because this isn’t just behavior change, it’s identity transformation. And yes… even your brain feels it.

Because your mind is wired for familiarity. It returns to what it knows because it feels safe, even when what it knows is not what God is calling you into. So when you choose differently, when the mother pauses instead of reacting, when the woman who used to party chooses peace over escape, when you choose prayer instead of numbing, it can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable.

But that discomfort is not failure. It is formation.

If you’re in that space right now, loving God but feeling the tension of letting go, trying but still struggling with old patterns,  I have been there my friend.  I offer one-on-one sessions where we walk through this together. Slowly. Gently. Honestly.

A space where you can bring the real moments of your life, the triggers, the habits, the emotions, the pull of the old and we begin to understand them together without shame. We look at what’s coming up spiritually and emotionally. We identify patterns. We create space for healing. And we begin to build rhythms that actually support who  God is shaping you into.

This is not rushed.
This is not performance.
This is a space where you are held while you become.

If your heart feels drawn to that kind of support, I would love to meet you there.

You can schedule a 30-minute session through the link below.

And I want you to remember this:

Peter was restored.
Elijah was sustained.
Moses was strengthened.
Paul was transformed.

And you are not outside of that story. You are in it.