What Does It Mean to Deny Yourself and Follow Jesus?
My dear friend,
Following Jesus is beautiful, but if we’re being honest, it can also be uncomfortable.
There are moments when we know what God is calling us toward, yet something inside of us still wants to hold on to what feels familiar. We want to obey, but letting go feels difficult. We want to grow, but part of us misses the comfort of who we used to be.
Jesus tells us in Luke 9:23, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
But what does it mean to deny yourself in your everyday life?
I don’t believe denying yourself means ignoring what you feel or pretending that following God is always easy. I believe it’s learning how to acknowledge what is happening within you while still choosing to follow where God is leading you.
And often, that choice happens in much smaller moments than we realize.
Denying Yourself Doesn’t Mean Ignoring Your Emotions
Sometimes we hear the words deny yourself and think we’re supposed to shut down our emotions, pretend everything is fine, or somehow become unaffected by the things we’re walking through.
But that isn’t what I mean when I talk about denying yourself.
Even Jesus expressed real human emotion.
In Matthew 26:39, while in the garden, Jesus expressed the weight of what He was facing and still surrendered to the Father’s will. He didn’t deny that it was difficult. He didn’t pretend there was no weight to what He was being asked to do.
He felt deeply, and He still chose surrender.
I think there is something so important for us to learn from that.
You can feel disappointed and still choose God.
You can feel afraid and still choose obedience.
You can acknowledge that something is difficult without allowing that difficulty to determine your direction.
Denying yourself isn’t about becoming disconnected from your emotions. It’s learning how to feel deeply and still choose God.
Following Jesus Often Means Choosing Differently
Denying yourself doesn’t usually happen in one big, dramatic moment.
It happens in the everyday choices.
It can look like wanting to respond sharply but choosing to pause instead. It can look like feeling overwhelmed and choosing prayer instead of allowing yourself to spiral. It can look like wanting immediate comfort but knowing God is calling you toward discipline.
Sometimes, it even looks like missing an old version of yourself while knowing God is leading you forward.
This is why Jesus’ words in Luke 9:23 are so important. He says to take up our cross daily.
Daily means there’s a continual choosing.
A laying down.
A surrendering of control, pride, comfort, ego, and self-will as we return to Him again and again.
And if you’re newer in your relationship with God, that tension can feel especially intense. Your identity in Christ is becoming new, but your habits, thoughts, and emotional responses may still be catching up.
That doesn’t mean transformation isn’t happening.
Why Old Patterns Can Feel So Hard to Let Go
One thing I love about understanding both faith and psychology is seeing how beautifully they can work together.
Our brains are wired toward familiarity. Familiar patterns can feel safe simply because we know them, even when they aren’t actually producing peace in our lives.
So when you begin choosing a new response, creating a new habit, or thinking differently, your brain may interpret that unfamiliarity as discomfort.
That’s part of why growth can feel so emotionally intense.
Scripture speaks about renewing the mind, and clinically, we understand that the brain can develop new pathways through repetition and awareness.
So every time you choose differently, something deeper is happening.
You aren’t simply “trying harder.”
You are practicing a new way of responding that is more aligned with who you are becoming.
2 Corinthians 5:17 reminds us that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. The old has passed away and the new has come.
That identity matters because identity guides behavior, not the other way around.
What Denying Yourself Can Look Like in Everyday Life
When that old pattern feels louder than the new one, I want you to remember that you don’t have to respond automatically.
There are practical things you can do to slow yourself down and choose differently:
Pause and regulate your body. Take a breath and slow down before reacting. Sometimes what feels spiritual is also your nervous system becoming overwhelmed.
Name what is happening. You might tell yourself, “This is an old pattern coming up,” or “This is the discomfort of doing something differently.”
Anchor yourself in truth and identity. Remind yourself who you are in Christ instead of allowing an old response to define you.
Pay attention to what you consume. What you repeatedly watch, hear, and engage with can shape your thoughts and desires more than you realize.
Don’t only resist. Replace. Replace scrolling with prayer, isolation with connection, reacting with reflection, or spiraling with Scripture.
Expect some resistance. Something feeling difficult doesn’t automatically mean you’re moving in the wrong direction. Sometimes discomfort is part of breaking agreement with an old way of living.
And please remember that you were never meant to do all of this alone.
Sometimes denying yourself also means choosing connection instead of isolation and having the humility to say, “I need support.”
Growth Doesn’t Require Perfection
My friend, growth with God is not about performing perfectly.
You may still experience temptation. Old thoughts may come back. Familiar emotions may surface. There may be moments when the old version of you feels much closer than you expected.
That does not erase the work God is doing in you.
The tension you feel between who you were and who you are becoming doesn’t always mean you’re failing.
Sometimes, that tension is formation.
Following Jesus means continuing to return to truth. Continuing to surrender. Continuing to choose what aligns with the woman God is calling you to become, even when another choice feels more familiar.
You don’t have to rush that process, and you don’t have to navigate it perfectly.
You simply have to keep returning to Him.
You Don’t Have to Work Through It Alone
If you’re in a season where you recognize the patterns you want to change but feel like you need more than information to move forward, I would love to support you.
Through my 1:1mentorship, we can slow down and look at what is coming up for you emotionally and spiritually. Together, we can identify the patterns, triggers, and thoughts shaping your responses while building healthier ways of moving forward that align with your faith and the woman God is calling you to become.
This is a space where faith and psychology can meet in a personal and intentional way, incorporating practical tools for emotional regulation, cognitive awareness, grounding, and healthier habits alongside prayer, Scripture reflection, and your identity in Christ.
You don’t have to show up with everything figured out, and you don’t have to walk through your growth alone.
If you’re ready for deeper, personalized support in this season, I invite you to learn more and apply for 1:1 mentorship.